I Know but the Laughing Tells Me That Its Funny
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Prepare to get out the seriousness and stress of the day behind yous for a little chip? These funny things to say will do the trick!
Whether you're looking for a few funny things to say that have some developed-rated humor or you're seeking giggle-inducing one-liners to share with kids, this list of 100 hilarious things to say will have you and your loved ones laughing out loud in no time.
From funny things to say to a oversupply to funny things to say to your coworkers, we rounded up the best LOL-worthy sayings all in one spot. And so read on and share your favorites with your friends—or anyone really! After all, who couldn't use a little more laughter in their mean solar day?
Funny Things to Say
1. I'm so glad we have dark-brown cows, otherwise there wouldn't be any chocolate milk.
ii. nine out of 10 voices in my head tell me I'm crazy. The tenth is just humming.
three. After Tuesday, even the agenda says WTF.
four. You should always knock earlier opening a fridge, simply in instance there's a salad dressing inside.
5. A successful human being is one who earns more than his married woman tin can spend. A successful woman is 1 who knows where to look for such a man.
6. A pessimist is someone who has spent as well much time listening to optimists.
seven. Don't you lot hate information technology when someone answers their own questions? I do.
eight. My tallest finger loves giving people standing ovations.
ix. Every woman should marry an archeologist, because the older she gets, the more he'll dearest her.
10. 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands downwards.
11. I used to think I was indecisive. But now I'm not then sure.
12. A bag of coin can represent not only wealth, but too massive aggrandizement.
13. It's funny how the toll of living is going up but the chance of living is going downwards.
14. Try calling someone just to tell them you lot can't talk right now.
15. I am a not bad housekeeper. Every fourth dimension I leave a homo, I keep his house.
16. Is at that place a connection between candy corn and corn nuts?
17. I can tell when people are existence judgmental merely by looking at them.
18. The next time you buy a donut, mutter that there'due south a pigsty in information technology.
19. A cookie a day keeps your sadness away, but an entire jar of cookies a day brings information technology back.
xx. I'thousand not going to remarry. This time, I'm just going to selection a woman I don't like and give her a house instead.
21. If hamburger meat makes a meatloaf, then laziness will brand me-a-loaf.
22. I had used up all of my sick go out, so I called in dead.
23. I am going to go my toe nail-pierced this Friday.
24. I've had bad luck with both my wives. The starting time one abandoned me, just the second did not.
25. I've ever idea air was free. That is, I did until I went out and bought a $3 purse of crisps.
26. Don't worry if programme A fails. There are 25 more than letters in the alphabet!
27. An apple tree a day keeps the physician abroad…if yous throw it difficult enough!
28. Organized people are those who are but as well lazy to find their things.
29. Howdy, I am (your name), but you lot tin can call me tomorrow!
30. A psychiatrist is someone who will charge you money for answers that you lot can become for free from your wife or friends.
31. If a market is well stocked, is information technology called the stock market?
32. World is similar the insane asylum for the universe.
33. Sure, alcohol doesn't solve whatever problems. But and then over again, neither does milk.
34. Barbie is so popular and yet, kids still buy friends for her.
35. If you lend someone money and never see them again, it was probably worth every penny.
36. Refusing to go to the gym is one of the all-time forms of resistance training.
37. I don't suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.
38. Ever remember that you're unique…just like everyone else is.
39. Running in place will get you lot nowhere fast.
40. I'thou reading a volume about anti-gravity. It'due south incommunicable to put down.
41. The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
42. Whatsoever is eating you must be really hungry.
43. LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I accept nothing else to say."
44. I promise to step on your anxiety if you dance with me.
45. I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'
46. I am on a seafood diet. I meet food, and I eat it.
47. Is paper-thin more than board than carte du jour or more card than board?
48. A all-time friend is someone who clears your search history immediately after you dice.
49. I don't accept an attitude trouble. You have a perception problem.
fifty. Except for a parking meter, alter is inevitable.
51. Is a heart attack the same as an assail of the heart?
52. We place too much emphasis on the early bird'south skillful luck and non enough on the early worm's bad luck.
53. I sold my vacuum cleaner because all it was doing was gathering grit.
54. I don't really need a hairstylist since my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
55. I tried rearranging the alphabet, simply for some reason, the letters U and I would never separate.
56. Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
57. If y'all think no ane cares whether you're alive or dead, just skip a handful of credit card payments.
58. Why aren't coffees served on a coffee table?
59. I would really like to help you out today. Which fashion did yous come in?
sixty. I take make clean conscience. I haven't used it once,
61. Whiteboards really are remarkable.
62. Whoever said you lot tin can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop!
63. When you go to a public bathroom, put chocolate on your easily, reach under the stall and inquire for a toilet paper.
64. Answers are what we have to solve other people's problems.
65. Can cars cease at a passenger vehicle finish?
66. If you actually desire to look young and thin then you should hang out around fat old people.
67. A balanced nutrition but means a having cupcake in each hand.
68. Try ordering a pizza 15 minutes before New Year, and when it arrives, yell, "You're late! I ordered this a year ago!"
69. I don't sympathize how people can exist then open-minded. Whenever I try, my brain keeps falling out.
70. The merely thing I get out of Algebra is when I look at Ten and wonder Y.
71. How tin can you scoot along if you don't have a scooter?
72. I'll have a bloody mary because they say information technology helps cure hangovers.
73. Information technology's hard to exercise nix because you never know when you're done.
74. Wedlock has no guarantees. If that's exactly what you are looking for, go live with a automobile battery.
75. Merely take my communication considering I'm not going to apply it.
76. Dogs can't see within your body, but CAT scan.
77. What is the soul good for if laughter is skillful for the soul?
78. If history repeats itself, I'yard getting a pet dinosaur.
79. Don't potable and drive. You might spill your beer.
lxxx. Y'all're in the wrong lane when everything is coming at you.
81. If you are on a diet, the first 3 letters of that word are probably feeling pretty authentic right now.
82. When someone tells you, "Have a prissy day!", stare at them and say, "Don't tell me what to do!"
83. Y'all are and then annoying. You are so weird. You are so crazy. You are so stupid. You are and then clingy. You lot are…only like me.
84. I'm out of my heed. I'll be back in five minutes.
85. Alcohol and Calculus don't mix. It'south never a skillful idea to potable and derive.
86. Sometimes I wake upward grumpy. Other times, I allow my wife sleep.
87. If I tried to wait as attractive as all of the celebrities I like, I'd terminate up looking about as ugly equally I am.
88. If we were on a airplane most to crash and but had i parachute, I hope I'd give an amazing speech at your funeral.
89. I am not equally recollect as you confused I am really!
90. Endeavor calling Pizza Hut just to ask Domino's phone number.
91. Isn't it strange that cigarettes are sold in gas stations, since smoking is prohibited there?
92. Why is in that location a calorie-free bulb in the refrigerator if you're not supposed to eat at night?
93. Here I am! What are your other 2 wishes?
94. Please excuse my naivety. I was born at a very early age.
95. If your friends don't brand fun of you, they're not really your friends.
96. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a mural worth?
97. I'd exist happy to give you a shoulder to cry on, except I don't want my shoulder to get wet.
98. There are three different types of people. Those who tin can count, and those who can't.
99. Try texting someone a random word and see what happens next.
100. It was as like shooting fish in a barrel as a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.
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Source: https://parade.com/1219273/marynliles/funny-things-to-say/